Thinking
by Amanda6
Summary: A Darla P.O.V piece. Darla reflects on her life and reveals her biggest fear. Sort of sad. Sam made me write this one :P


Thinking  
Disclaimer: No one is mine.  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Darla's POV on a few things.  
Authors Notes: I've been thinking about this one alot. Darla is one of my favorite characters  
and I really wanted to try writting her for some odd reason *looks of in bewilderment* lol.  
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Here I am. All I will ever be. Things have changed for me....oh, how they have changed.  
I'll start at the beginning, I suppose that it is a good a place as any.  
When I was human,the first time, I was far from happy. Although to the   
world around me, the people around me....I looked like I was. I looked like I didn't give a   
damn about the whispered comments I heard,about what I did for a living and what it was  
doing to me. To the outside I was just whore who reveled in what she did, loving the   
money she made.   
But that was when I was younger, when I first started that profession of mine. Later on,  
I hardened myself and I began to *really* not care. I became older, wiser. Some may say the  
wisdom I gained wasn't the most important. I learned about the world...what a cruel and   
unfeeling place it could be. Along with people. They put on a mask and parade around the streets,  
strong and proud. But its all a lie, you get to know them...find out that they too have weaknesses.  
That they are weak really, and most of the time cowards. No, the knowledge I gained was not of  
books or mathmatics, it was that of the world. I saw it through the eyes of girl who had been  
hurt and abused and used all her life. Me. And so when I was turned, I reveled in that worlds  
destruction. In those people's destruction. All my life the world was cruel to me.....it was  
my turn to have a little revenge.  
The Master was like a father to me. We went everywhere together, showed me things. But there  
was a flaw in our relationship.  
He was above me. I wanted an equal. Sure, we shared things...we were close. Closer than   
anyone I had known then, but I wanted someone who was like me.  
  
Angelus.  
  
Yep, you guessed it. Angelus..oh, he was perfect. When I saw Liam in the tavern that night,  
I knew he had what I wanted. Potential above all. I turned him after he had been cast out from   
his home.  
That night when he rose...it was one of the best moments in my life. I still remember our words.  
I told him,"You can do anything, have anyone in the village. Who will it be?"  
His responce was,"Any one?" I nod,"I thought I'd take the village." My heart, if it could have,  
would have skipped a beat. He was strong and smart and quick and cunning and above   
all..vicous. A natural killer. You dont learn that kind of darkness. Angelus and I...we were   
inseperable. Perfect.  
  
We were equals. We shared everything together for almost 150 years, untill he was cursed.  
  
Gypsies.  
  
Damn them. Damn them and their clan. They cause my boy so much pain, all of which he wont allow  
himself release from. Here comes the biggest regret in my life; turning him away that night.  
When he came to me, him and that filthy soul....I rejected him. Made him leave. My poor, poor boy.  
A missed opportunity you might say this was. If I had welcomed him back, tried to help him,  
I know I would have made him happy. I would have made him forget all the horrors that plagued  
his mind,at least for a moment But, I cant do that now. He's in *love* with   
Slutty the Vampire Layer. He's had her,something fresh and new. She makes him feel   
human...his soul longs to be human. I cant give him that now...I've relized it that for   
awhile now. Oh well....time to move on. I guess.  
  
Later, he killed me.....for *her*. That bitch. From this point on in my life, I hate it.  
  
So, I'm just going to recap what is happening in *now*.  
The Master is gone.  
Lindsey is gone.  
Drusilla is gone.  
Angelus is gone.  
Even Angel is gone.  
  
I'm alone. The biggest fear I've had in my entire life has come true. Yes, lonliness is my fear.  
You might have thought it was death or betrayl...no. Lonlieness is my fear. Thats why I became  
a prostitute the first time I was human...my family was gone, the ones left where cruel and  
I wanted nothing to do with them. I needed something to fill the hole I had inside me.  
  
Later,thats why I tried so hard to keep Angelus happy. So he wouldn't leave...so I wouldn't be   
alone. I know now that he wouldn't have left..but I didn't then.  
  
Being alone also makes me relize something I'm not to fond of.   
  
No one cares. Not a single person cares about me.  
If anyone did, they would be here with me. Not letting me just sit here on my bed in this hotel,   
staring out the window thinking, by myself. But, the world sees me as tough. Nothing gets to me,  
nothing bothers me, thats the way its going to stay. I will wear my mask and parade around the  
streets strong and proud. No one will know my weaknesses, no one will know my fears.  
  
The End   
  



End file.
